**Visit All Things Urban Fantasy today for her Deadly Destination tour of Asgard from Atticus O’ Sullivan & a chance to win HAMMERED**
Our Deadly Destinations event rolls along today with another great urban fantasy heroine and location. Adrian Phoenix’s Kallie Rivière is leading us on today’s Deadly Destinations tour. She’s taking us through Bayou Cyprés Noir and highlighting things that tourists just shouldn’t do. You can read about Kallie’s latest adventure in Black Heart Loa. Thanks to Adrian and Simon & Schuster/Pocket Books, five of you who comment on this post will win a copy of the book! See details below.
Gators Prefer Tourists in Marshmallow Suits
Don’t Feed the Gators Marshmallows.
Kallie: Seriously. Don’t. And I can’t believe I even need to say that. You’d think it’d be obvious. But every day, the Cajun tour guides take goggle-eyed tourists slathered in sunscreen and bug spray out on their swamp boats and let them snap pictures with camera and cell phones while they toss marshmallows to swimming carnivores.
Hooo-EEEE. Here, pretty Bab-BEH!
Swimming carnivores who eye the boat hopefully, wishing one of those soft, pale picture-snapping tourists would tumble right over that rail and into their bellies. Tourist nummie-nums.
Jackson: That’s ain’t true now. Them gators are beaucoup smart. They’re the ones getting free snacks, not the ones paying for the privilege to watch as those snacks are gobbled up, them.
Kallie: Oh, this is my cousin, Jackson Bonaparte. And I’m Kallie Rivière, by the way. Sorry, forgot to mention that. Welcome to Bayou Cyprés Noir—and one of our many summer BBQs. My aunt told me that you bought the Bellefontaine place down on Magnolia Road and . . .
(Notices that the new resident is sliding an appreciative gaze over her cousin and rolls her eyes.)
Kallie: Think you could’ve worn a tighter T-shirt, Jacks? That one doesn’t look quite airbrushed on.
Jackson: (innocently) I could always take it off.
Kallie: Spare me . . . I mean, us. Spare us. Looks like our newest resident is ready for another beer. Why don’t you attempt to be a gentleman and fetch her another?
Jackson: (snorts) Yeah, that’s subtle, short stuff. (Smiles at new resident) Another Abita, chère? All right, Rosalinda, it is. With the color blossoming in those cheeks, a perfect name. I’ll be right back.
Kallie: (rolls her eyes again). Sounds like he’s been taking lessons from Dallas. Oh, that’d be Dallas Brûler. He’s a root doctor—one of my aunt’s best students, when he was leaving the Wild Turkey and women alone—but he’s been practicing on his own for some time now down in Chalmette. Anyhoo, as I was saying before my cousin and his T-shirt defined muscles interrupted us, my aunt told me that you bought the Bellefontaine place and asked me to point out the more supernatural aspects—
Belladonna: Like the loa—you don’t want to piss them off. Most of them are good natured, but like any spirit, they do not like to be taken for granted or annoyed or ignored. They tend to have nasty tempers when provoked.
Kallie: They rule these woods and bayous. So being respectful is always a good call. Some are nature spirits, elementals, but others are spirits of the dead. And if they possess you, take you for their cheval, then just go with it and have a good time.
Belladonna: (Whaps Kallie’s shoulder) Stop that, Shug. Don’t listen to her, she’s full of shit at the moment. The loa don’t possess just anybody—usually.
Kallie: This is Belladonna Brown, by the way, my best friend. She’s a voodooienne, learning to be a mambo. No, I’m a hoodoo, like Dallas—a rootworker. There’s a difference between hoodoo and Voodoo, for true.
Belladonna: Mmm-hmm. Voodoo is a religion with priests and priestesses and ceremonies. Hoodoo is folk magic, practiced by people like Kallie and her aunt and Dallas. But we both know how to make poppets and lay tricks and uncross hexes. Though my favorite has got to be the shrivel package trick you laid on that idiot who was stalking you, Shug.
Kallie: (nods) Worked beautifully. He ain’t been around since. (cups a hand around her mouth and whispers): The shrivel part was only temporary.
Belladonna: There wasn’t much to shrivel anyway.
Kallie: (Laughs) For true! All right, some of the other things you need to watch out for are the loups-garous—the werewolves. They normally keep to themselves down in Le Nique and try not to eat people, but lapses have been known to happen.
Belladonna: (nods, her head of blue and black curls bobbing): You should watch out for Devlin Daniels, the demon wolf of the bayou. He doesn’t abide by anyone’s rules—hoodoo, loup-garou, or loa. Rumor says he was conceived at the crossroads.
Kallie: How about a little quote from my Aunt Divinity? “If a person be evil or wicked of just plain bad and leave misery and grief in deir wake, den one night de demon wolf will come for dem and he’ll rip deir black hearts from outta deir chests, He be de voice of dark retribution, him. Now, be good and eat yo’ peas, girl.”
Belladonna: Since when does not eating peas equal dark retribution?
Kallie: That’s exactly what I asked!
Belladonna: Oh, I can’t wait to hear the answer.
Kallie: She said, and I quote: “Mebbe de peas don’t, but yo’ sass certainly qualifies. Now, tais-toi, you, and eat.”
Belladonna: Did you? Eat those peas?
Kallie: (Sighs) Yup.
Jackson: (hands bottle of Abita to a wide-eyed Rosalinda) What’d I miss?
Kallie: Not much, just sharing a few pointers with our newest resident. So, to recap, be careful of pissing of the loa, avoid loups-garous . . .
Belladonna: And beware of hex-laying, vengeful ghosts.
Kallie: I forgot that one! Beware of unsolicited potions and don’t do anything to a poppet if you find one—it’s most likely linked to some poor soul, eat your peas, don’t wear a marshmallow suit, and keep a broom close to hand in case you need to shoo a gator off your porch. Did I forget anything?
Belladonna: Revenge-hungry hoodoo bogeymen, maybe.
Jackson: Where’s she running off to?
Belladonna: (Frowns) Maybe to fetch a broom?
Kallie: Or a for sale sign. Now, how about we organize the men into a wet boxers contest at the next BBQ? And no, you can’t enter, Jacks. Ew. You’re my cousin.
As a writer, a person, and a mother, I’ve always believed in following your dreams, following your heart. It’s also important to keep your heart, so I also believe in being prepared for zombie attacks and can’t stress enough the importance of having regular family drills so every member of the household is zombie-ready. One never knows.Make sure the sofa is ready to push in front of the door. be clear that if a member of the family is on the wrong side of the door when the zombie action goes down. They remain on the wrong side of the door. The greater good, etc.
I live in Springfield, Oregon in a zombie-free home (except when meeting deadlines) with three cats, Amiga, Diabla, and Ember and have two sons and three grandchildren and two granddogs. I hope one day to write a masterpiece like my father’s parody of Jaws, a work written on yellow legal paper entitled Beak, the story of a rogue twenty thousand pound Cornish game hen and the men who seek to end its deadly rampage. If i write anything half as funny (and this involved tears and gasping for air), I’ll be happy.
Want to read more from Adrian Phoenix?
This giveaway is provided by Adrian and Simon & Schuster/Pocket Books
Two winners will each receive a copy of Black Heart Loa by Adrian Phoenix
One winner will get a copy of any one of Adrian’s books (your choice)
Available on June 28, 2011 from Simon & Schuster/Pocket Books
About the Book:
“An eye for an eye is never enough.”
Kallie Rivière, a Cajun hoodoo apprentice with a bent for trouble, learned the meaning of those ominous words when hoodoo bogeyman Doctor Heron targeted her family for revenge. Now, while searching for her still-missing bayou pirate cousin, Kallie finds out the hard way that someone is undoing powerful gris gris, which means that working magic has become as unpredictable as rolling a handful of dice.
The wards woven to protect the Gulf coast are unraveling, leaving New Orleans and the surrounding bayous vulnerable just as the deadliest storm in a century is born.
As the hurricane powers toward the heart of all she loves, Kallie desperately searches for the cause of the disturbing randomness only to learn a deeply unsettling truth: the culprit may be herself.
To protect her family and friends, including the sexy nomad Layne Valin, Kallie steps into the jaws of danger . . . and finds a loup garou designed to steal her heart—literally.
Click HERE to read an excerpt
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4. Giveaway is open to U.S. and Canada/No P.O. Boxes.
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6. All Deadly Destinations winners will be announced on August 7th.
7. The winner will be picked with the help of Random.org.
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