**Visit All Things Urban Fantasy today for her Deadly Destination tour of Kalayna Price’s Nekros City from Alex & a chance to win GRAVE DANCE**
The hottest vacation destination event has arrived. Today, Dark Faerie Tales kicks-off Deadly Destinations with Diana Rowland’s Angel Crawford. I had the pleasure of meeting Angel, and look forward to taking another tour of her glamorous lifestyle as a white trash zombie living in the swamps of Louisiana. Many thanks to Diana for sponsoring this giveaway. Two of you who comment on this post will win a copy of the book! See details below.
Angel Crawford’s Guide to Louisiana
by Diana Rowland
If you tell someone you’re going to Louisiana for vacation, pretty much the first things most people think of are New Orleans, the French Quarter, Mardi Gras. Oysters on the half shell, gumbo and Po-Boys. And maybe a swamp tour if you’re feeling really adventurous. But if you’re sick of that same-old same-old, you might get it into your head to explore some of the more “rustic” areas of this fine state, such as St. Edwards Parish.
It’s not much to look at on the map, and there’s probably a damn good reason why it’s not exactly a tourist destination. However, if you think that someday you intend to broaden your horizons and see what this area has to offer, then go ahead and read on, and I’ll do my best to fill you in on some of the local color.
First off, I’ve lived in this area my entire life, so I know this parish like the back of my hand. Well, when my hand actually has skin and flesh on it. I’m Angel Crawford, and I grew up in Nice, Louisiana—but trust me, it ain’t all that “nice.” If you’re driving along the highway and see the sign that says “Nice City Limits” you can just keep your foot on that gas pedal and buzz right on by, secure in the knowledge that you ain’t missing a damn thing worth seeing. That is, unless you really want to swing in to the Big Stop gas station in the middle of town and check out the home-brew blackberry beer that Earl sells out of his pickup truck. You can’t miss it—he has “Genu-wine Blackberry Beer” painted across the side of his truck in bright purple letters, and don’t even think about arguing with him about the fact that “Genu-wine” is a stupid play on words since he’s selling beer and not wine, because he’ll start yelling about how he don’t have no fancy high school diploma and never needed any “ejcation” to make his beer…
Like I said, just keep on driving past Nice. The beer sucks anyway. Not that I drink much anymore. I used to. Hell, I used to drink damn near anything, and chase it with any pills within reach, but all that changed not too long ago. Now I tend to go for more of a… well, I guess you could call it a high-protein diet? Are brains high protein?
Anyway, all that’s another story. Lemme get back to telling you about the parish that I call home. If you happen to pass by a piece of crap house that has its windows held together with duct tape and a driveway paved with beer cans, that’s most likely home-sweet-home for me. Wave as you go by. Trust me, you don’t want to come in. A bit further down the road is Pillar’s Bar. I used to spend a lot of time there—before the accident, that is.
If you take a right at Porter’s Junction and head down thataway about five miles, you’ll come to an empty shopping center which holds significant historical significance for yours truly. Yep, that right there is the place where I was placed under arrest by a certain Deputy Marcus Ivanov for being in possession of a stolen car. Got three years probation and a felony on my record. Definitely one of the high points in my life. Keep going down the road another ten minutes or so and you’ll pass on by the brick and aluminum majesty that is Sweet Bayou High School. And no, I didn’t graduate. Dropped out when I was sixteen. Yeah, I was chock full of brilliant ideas back then.
Eventually you’ll get to Tucker Point, which is where the St. Edwards Parish Coroner’s office is located. That’s where I work now—and where I get the majority of my meals, too. A brain is a terrible thing to waste, right? And I try real hard to not go to long between meals. Bad things happen if I get too hungry…
But, hey, no sense in talking about stuff that could scare the undies off a nun. Back to Tucker Point. The Kreeger River runs through the parish here, and there are some damn nice houses along the banks. I’ve been in a bunch of ‘em. You get to see a whole lot of insides of houses when you’re in the business of picking up dead bodies for the coroner. You would not believe some of the weirdo shit I’ve seen behind those doors. Trust me when I say you can’t judge a home by how it looks on the outside!
So, from Tucker Point you can take the highway south, and after a while you’ll pass by a big ole mansion that used to be the home of Rob Harris—yep, THE Rob Harris who owned that big RV dealership and had all his grandkids in the commercials. Rob died not too long ago, courtesy of getting his head squished like a watermelon at a Gallagher show. Sure was weird how there weren’t a whole lot of brains lying around on the ground, though….
Hey, don’t look at me! I don’t care for dirt with my brains. Blech. A girl’s gotta have standards, y’know?
And now if you keep on driving past Rob Harris’s mansion, past Vic’s Trailer Park and on toward the state line, you’ll start getting deep into good ole Louisiana swamp. Not much out this way but mosquitos, alligators, and nutria. But way out here, right by the parish line… this is where it all started. This is where everything changed.
But like I said before—that’s another story.
So come on down to St. Edwards Parish if you get the chance. And if something awful happens and you pass away here, I’ll be sure to raise a glass to your memory. And a fork.
Love and kisses,
Diana Rowland has lived her entire life below the Mason-Dixon line, uses “y’all” for second-person-plural, and otherwise has no southern accent (in her opinion.) She somehow managed to eke out a BS in Applied Mathematics from Georgia Tech, and after graduation forgot everything about higher math as quickly as possible.
She has worked as a bartender, a blackjack dealer, a pit boss, a street cop, a detective, a computer forensics specialist, a crime scene investigator, and a morgue assistant, which means that she’s seen a helluva lot of weird crap. She won the marksmanship award in her Police Academy class, has a black belt in Hapkido, has handled numerous dead bodies in various states of decomposition, and can’t rollerblade to save her life.
Diana is the author of police procedural urban fantasy, including the Kara Gillian-Demon Summoner series (Mark of the Demon, Blood of the Demon, Secrets of the Demon) and the White Trash Zombie series (My Life As A White Trash Zombie.) She presently lives in south Louisiana with her husband and her daughter where she is deeply grateful for the existence of air conditioning.
Want to read more from Diana Rowland?
This giveaway is provided by Diana Rowland
Two winners will each receive a copy of My Life as a White Trash Zombie by Diana Rowland
Available on July 5, 2011 from DAW
About the Book:
Angel Crawford is a loser. Living with her alcoholic deadbeat dad in the swamps of southern Louisiana, she’s a high school dropout with a pill habit and a criminal record who’s been fired from more crap jobs than she can count. Now downward spiral her life has taken. That is, until the day she wakes up in the remembers being in an horrible car crash, anonymous letter telling her there’s a job that it’s an offer she doesn’t dare refuse. a brand new addiction: an overpowering who decapitates his prey–just when she’s hungriest Angel’s going to have to grow up fast if she wants to keep this job and stay in one piece. Because if she doesn’t, she’s dead meat. Literally.
Click HERE to read an excerpt
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4. Giveaway is open to everyone.
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6. All Deadly Destinations winners will be announced on August 7th.
7. The winner will be picked with the help of Random.org.
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