Fantastic Fables continues today with Vampire State of Mind by Jane Lovering. Vampire State of Mind is an urban fantasy that follows Jessica Grant. She runs a tracker program keeping an eye on the vampires in her world. Today’s fable eavesdrops on Jessica having a ‘quiet, off the record’ chat with Cinderella, who clearly needs a favour!
One lucky reader will win a copy of Vampire State of Mind by Jane Lovering. A big thanks to Choc Lit for today’s giveaway!
Hello there, Cinderella, if that is really your name. I’m Jessica Grant. I work for York Council, making sure the vampires don’t step out of line and…oooh, shoes! Wow, a seriously large amount of shoes! I don’t get a shoe allowance, and you would not believe the number of pairs I’ve ruined lately – those vampires don’t care who snaps a heel when they start getting out of line.
Tell me, this being married to Prince Charming – how’s that working out for you? Hang on, I’ll put the gun down, it’s obviously giving you the serious heebie jeebies…there. Is that better? Yes, the whole Prince thing… I don’t really have a man in my life at the moment. I mean, there is one, but he’s a bit..well, bitey and fangy and all, you know, grrrrr and stuff, so he doesn’t really count. It must be nice to have a man who notices when you dress up – actually, I suppose you’re pretty much dressed-up all the time, aren’t you? I do like those shoes you’ve got on, too… what’s your view on coffee? And biscuits? I’d guess that, being a Princess and everything you’ve got staff to bring you drinks and biscuits and wait on your every whim? I’ve got Liam. He’s a sort of sidekick, if sidekicks are occasionally sarcastic and tell you you’ve got a moustache, even when you clearly haven’t. I don’t suppose you have that sort of trouble, do you, Cinders? Can I call you Cinders? Oh. All right then, Your Highness, is that better?
Sorry. I’m just not very good at being overawed. Not much good at being over anything, really, except the legal limit! Sorry, sorry…didn’t mean to nudge you there, you being a Princess and everything. Seriously though, those are really nice shoes. Do you wear them all? Really? What, even this little pair of black pumps with the red rose on the toe? You don’t have even one pair that you could donate to the cause of an overworked, underpaid council employee with a biscuit fetish and coffee habit? I once asked if I could get an expense account and the man on the other end of the phone laughed until he made some horrible noises. Cutbacks, apparently. Not something you’d have to worry about, I shouldn’t think, unless Prince Charming decides that you can get by on just the one crateload of diamonds…
Anyway. You wanted to see me? What was that about, then? Oh, right. Now you want my help, do you? A couple of Ugly Sisters you want tranquilised, crated up and dumped in Ulan Bator? Well, I’m sorry, I don’t do private commissions, the council is very strict about that sort of thing, we can’t be bringing the City of York into disrepute or..
How many pairs? What, including those little pink Jimmy Choos? And those Laboutins? All mine? Oh, I’m sure the council can turn a blind eye, just this once, to a bit of …let’s call it ‘private enterprise’ shall we? And those Ugly Sisters, they could turn nasty any time, put people in danger…no, you’re quite right, they are better off out of the way, I’ll just get the gun loaded up and…
You’re a size six, right?
Jane was, presumably, born, although everyone concerned denies all knowledge. However there is evidence that her early years were spent in Devon (she can still talk like a pirate under the right conditions) and of her subsequent removal to Yorkshire under a sack and sedation.
She now lives in North Yorkshire, where she writes romantic comedies and labours under the tragic misapprehension that Johnny Depp is coming for her any day now. She is prevented from running away to join either Johnny or a circus by her five children, four cats, two dogs and the day job, although she believes this to be optional, and blames her incipient love of sprouts for her slightly single status.
Jane’s likes include marshmallows, the smell of cucumbers and the understairs cupboard, words beginning with B, and Doctor Who. She writes with her laptop balanced on her knees whilst lying on her bed, and her children have been brought up to believe that real food has a high carbon content. And a kind of amorphous shape.
Not unlike Jane herself, come to think of it.
Want to read more from Jane Lovering?
This giveaway is provided by Choc Lit!
One lucky reader will win a copy of Vampire State of Mind
Available January 15, 2013 from Choc Lit
About this Book:
Jessica Grant knows vampires only too well. She runs the York Council tracker programme making sure that Otherworlders are all where they should be, keeps the filing in order and drinks far too much coffee. To Jess, vampires are annoying and arrogant and far too sexy for their own good, particularly her ex-colleague Sil, who’s now in charge of Otherworld York.
But when a demon turns up and threatens not just Jess but the whole world order, she and Sil are forced to work together, and when Jess turns out to be the key to saving the world it puts a very different slant on their relationship. The stakes are high. They are also very, very pointy and Jess isn’t afraid to use them, even on the vampire that she’s rather afraid she’s falling in love with …
Click HERE to read an excerpt
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.