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I Belong


Guest Post & Giveaway: Evil Dark by Justin Gustainis

Please join us in welcoming author Justin Gustainis here today to Dark Faerie Tales. The second book in his Occult Crimes Unit Investigation urban fantasy seriesEvil Dark, is already available. You can read an excerpt from the book hereWant to know our thoughts on the book? You can read Sheila’s review here.

Thanks to Justin, you also have a chance to win a copy of Evil Dark. As always, details are listed at the end of the post. Make sure you follow the rules to be entered into the contest!

About Justin:

Justin Gustainis is author of, most recently, EVIL DARK, the second book (after HARD SPELL) in his “Haunted Scranton” series, about cops dealing with occult crime in an “alternate” universe where the supernatural is real, and everyone knows it. His website is here.

Want to read more from Justin Gustainis?

Hard Spell (Occult Crimes U... Evil Dark (Occult Crimes Un... Black Magic Woman (Quincey ... Evil Ways (Quincey Morris, #2) Sympathy for the Devil  (Qu... Those Who Fight Monsters: T...

_________________________________________________________________________________

Genre Writers Deal with Darkness – Literally

by

Justin Gustainis

This started as a thread on the “Genreality” blog some time ago, and I’m afraid I jumped on it with both feet.  Writer Sasha White (who posts there every Tuesday) provided these three, for starters (but does not claim authorship):

Q. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q. How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Why does it *have* to be changed?

Q. How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!

————————————————————————————————————

But the rest of these atrocities are mine, all mine.

Q. How many horror writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. “Every writer who has tried to change that bulb has died — horribly.”

Q. How many romance writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Light bulb?  Who needs light?

“Simone was just reaching up to unscrew the old bulb when suddenly Randall’s strong arms were around her, pulling her tightly against him, and she thought, ‘Either he’s got a spare bulb in his pocket, or this is the night he’s going to make me his own!’”

Q. How many urban fantasy writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One can do it, but two is safer.

“Chloe Badass knew she should wait to change the bulb until her partner Raoul returned from the Vampire Council meeting. But there were ghouls living in this part of the city, and Chloe knew that they hated bright light.  Having illumination available at the flick of a switch might come in very handy.  She unscrewed the dead light bulb and was fumbling through the box for a new one when she smelled the fetid odor of the ghoul who had just sneaked up behind her.”

Q. How many crime writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. “That’s the question, ain’t it, Louie: how many?  And you’re gonna tell us — either before Bruno here goes to work on you with the blowtorch, or after.”

Q. How many techno-thriller writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A.  “The bulb would had to be changed, and soon.  Viewing it from 800 yards away through the GE Model 19 Omnispectra Night Scope, Ryan could see that the bulb was a Hasselbad D-44, produced in limited numbers by a secret factory in Stuttgart and issued only to elite SS units in 1943.  That it was still burning showed just how close the Nazis had come to winning the war, but even the D-44 wouldn’t last forever.  Ryan had a Series IV Omnispectrum Illuminator from Bell Labs stashed in his Captain America backpack, which had been purchased in Wal-Mart but made in China by prison labor.  He knew that if he didn’t replace the D-44 with his new state-of-the-art bulb within the next eighteen seconds, the world would be forever plunged into darkness.”

Q.  How many Western writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A.  If you think they had light bulbs in Deadwood back in the 1870s, dude, you probably ought not to be writing Westerns.

Q. How many erotica writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Several, if you do it right.

“Stick a fresh bulb in there, darling – quickly,” Ilsa said, her voice like a caress.  “I want you to see everything that Susan and I are doing to you.  Not to mention what Sharon will be doing.  And Hans.  Mistress Victoria, too.  And the twins will be here any minute now.”

_________________________________________________________________________________

This giveaway is provided by Justin Gustainis

One winner will receive a copy of Evil Dark by Justin Gustainis

Evil Dark (#2) by Justin Gustainis

Available April 24, 2012 from Angry Robot Books

About the Book:

My name’s Markowski. I carry a badge. Also, a crucifix, some wooden stakes, a big vial of holy water, and a 9mm Beretta loaded with silver bullets.

A series of seemingly motiveless murders of supernatural creatures points to a vigilante targeting the supe community. Markowski wouldn’t normally have much of a problem with that, but his daughter may be next on the killer’s list…

Click HERE to read an excerpt

Order from

GIVEAWAY GUIDELINES:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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6 Responses to “Guest Post & Giveaway: Evil Dark by Justin Gustainis

  1. Melanie RovakNo Gravatar
    1

    Yes I think is would be very interesting if not a bit dangerous.

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  2. erinf1No Gravatar
    2

    LMAO!!! Those were too funny. It’s nice to have a sense of humor about your work :)

    Congrats on the newest release! I’m very excited as I just got Hard Spell.

    No… I wouldn’t want to be a supernatural detective. I’m always the last to figure stuff out so I’d be so horrible at it!

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  3. Barbara ElnessNo Gravatar
    3

    I’d want to be a supernatural detective, but I don’t think I’d be very good at it. I’m pretty clueless and don’t think I’d solve many cases. :D

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  4. JenMNo Gravatar
    4

    Those were great! I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be a supernatural detective, especially if the creatures I was hunting were stronger than I was.

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  5. kelsey dNo Gravatar
    5

    hmm.. depends, do I get to travel around with the hotties on the tv show Supernatural? In that case, YES! lol but, yea, it could be fun!

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  6. AbbyNo Gravatar
    6

    being a detective would be awwwsome, meeting vampires, werewolves, or were-people and maybe helping them or hunting them down would be cool

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