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I Belong

Review: Stone Cold Bastards by Jake Bible

Title: Stone Cold Bastards

Author: Jake Bible

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Series: N/A

Publication Date: February 24, 2017

Format: Paperback, 218 Pages

ISBN-10: 1611947197 (Bell Bridge Books)

ISBN-13: 978-1611947199 (Bell Bridge Books)

Reviewed by: Stephanie


Only a rag-tag team of gargoyles stands between humanity and extinction.

Hell has released its ravening horde of demons, leaving most of humanity a puke-spewing, head-spinning mess of possession.

Humanity’s last hope? A team of misfit gargoyles—including a cigar chomping, hard-ass grotesque—come alive and ready for battle during the End of Days. They guard the last cathedral-turned-sanctuary atop a bald knoll in the North Carolina mountains.

Gargoyle protection grudgingly extends to any human who can make it inside the Sanctuary, but the power of the stonecutter blood magic, which protects the sanctuary, may not be enough when a rogue grotesque and his badly-wounded ward arrive.

All the hounds of hell are on their heels. The last Sanctuary is about to fall.

Quick & Dirty: An addicting, gore-filled romp in the apocalypse. What more could you ask for?

Opening Sentence: The small, gray head popped off and rolled toward the end of the bar.

Excerpt: No

The Review:

Six years ago, it happened: the gates of Hell opened, releasing demons upon the earth. Their mission: destroy humanity and take the earth for themselves. Those humans who weren’t immediately possessed in the aftermath had only one option to ensure safety: find sanctuary in a cathedral protected by gargoyles and grotesques, whose magic brought them to life when the gates opened. The gargoyles’ mission is to protect humanity. Now, there is only one cathedral still standing, and the demons are converging upon it. As the demons approach, the remaining humans and their protectors prepare to make a final stand. Will they be successful, or will the demons finally win?

I did not see this book coming. I really only picked it from my stack of books to review because it was short, and I’ve had a bad month when it comes to reading because my four-month-old has decided sleep is optional. Imagine my surprise when I found it hard to put the darn book down. In fact, I read the last 70 percent of the book in one afternoon, holding my baby while he napped because I knew if I put him down, he would wake up, and I wouldn’t be able to keep reading.  Suffice to say, the book hooked me easily.

I will say this book is not for the faint of heart. It is gruesome, to put it mildly. There are body parts and organs flying constantly, and if you have a weak stomach, you may have a hard time getting through the fight scenes, of which there are many. If blood and guts don’t bother you, however, you should really give this book a shot.

I am amazed at how unique all of the characters are. I didn’t originally think that gargoyles/grotesques would have such different personalities, but each one is his/her own character, set apart from all the rest. You really come to love each and every one in a short period of time.

Be prepared to be on the edge of your seat. Once the action starts, it never lets up, thus why I read 70 percent of the book in one sitting. The fight scenes are written well, making me feel as if I was actually watching a movie because I could picture what was happening so well in my mind.

One slight negative is that the first 30 percent of the book is slower than the rest. That’s not to say it’s not good. It’s just slower. I think the main reason for that is for that first portion of the book, we just get one character’s point of view. Once the other characters come into play, everything picks up exponentially.

All in all, this book was an unexpected treat. I went into it feeling unenthused and came out sad that the journey was over. I will definitely be checking out other books by Bible!

Notable Scene:

Morty squinted into the gloom, but found nothing which accounted for the movement. He squatted down and looked under the truck. Nothing there.

A clank and rattle from behind him.

“Oh, come on,” Morty said as he spun about.

A few feet from the pile of broken slot machines was an empty beer bottle. It spun in a lazy circle, like a teenagers’ game, but minus any of the teenagers. Morty knew it was a trap. It was so obvious he almost laughed out loud. The problem was, who set the trap? The possessed couldn’t get inside.

Could they?

They never had before and what Shandra said about blessing ceremonies had made sense. The tribes drew from heavy earth magic. Whether they knew what they were doing or not, their mojo laid one hell of a whammy on the casino. In all his years, Morty had never seen one single possessed get closer than a few yards from the building.

Collaborators? Was that it? Did they bring collaborators down from New York or wherever they kept the traitorous meatbags? Were the demons ready to play their hand like that now that the last Stonecutter had been revealed?

Possibly. Probably.

Morty walked to the bottle and stomped it into glass dust, his eyes searching the huge room for the source of the trap. He was ready, waiting for the attack to come. Again, nothing.

“Come on,” Morty pleaded. “Make your move, pal.”

There was a crunching from behind him and Morty glanced over his shoulder. Maybe the jerk had doubled back.

He hadn’t.

The crunching was from feet walking slowly across the shattered bulletproof glass of the front entrance. A hundred feet walking slowly. Fifty faces, all smiling, eyes dead and gleaming with possession, the demons inside looking happy and smug.

“Crap,” Morty said as he realized the casino’s magic had failed finally. “Crap. Hey, guys!

The possessed were in no hurry. Step, crunch, step, crunch, step, crunch. On they came, weapons in hand, but hands held casually down at their sides. They had the numbers and Morty could tell by their attitude that they knew it.

“Guys,” Morty shouted as he backed away from the entrance. He spread his wings, flexing them, getting them ready for flight or fight, whichever came first. Probably fight. “Guys! We have to go. Now!”

glitter crown


FTC Advisory: Bell Bridge Books provided me with a copy of Stone Cold Bastards. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review.

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One Response to “Review: Stone Cold Bastards by Jake Bible

  1. Penny OlsonNo Gravatar

    I think I would love this!

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